The only thing to fear is fear itself...

Bullshit. As a ridiculously easily scared person, I have to say that there are a LOT of things other then fear to be afraid of. Clowns for example. And Swans. Not pianos, no matter what the girls say...

So last Friday I got over pretty much one of my biggest fears/issues, eyes. Yes I know it is a wierd thing to be freaked out, and to clarify it is touching, poking, injuring and the thought of eyes coming OUT that scare me, not just eyes in peoples' heads because that would be silly and make making eye contact impossible. That is what John thought and he laughed at me for like a million years before I could explain. Anyway I decided that my lack of being able to see the ball was seriously detremental to my ability to play lax (and my lack of skills also tend to cause a problem) so I decided to get over the whole fear thing and just get them. It was essentially an afternoon of torture with my optician, Mona, poking me in the eye. But much flinching and
desire to cry later I was wearing some lovely contacts. Mona wanted me to play in them, and handily we had a match that evening so off I went with actual vision. It was pretty exciting.

It was pretty sweet being able to see during the match, I am not sure if I played any better but for once I managed not to get hit by the ball so that is what I call a good match. After I had to go back to Monas to get the contacts taken out (making everyone think that I am scarily close to my optician as it was ten o clock at this point.) An extremely good looking boy opened the door when I got to Monas, but sadly I was still in my ucd shorts and hoodie with match hair and no make-up so that was not fun. It turns out Mona sent him out to open the door to me as we were both in first year UCD and asked me what I thought of him as i was learning to use my contacts. I think it really shows how terrible my love live is when my OPTICIAN is trying to set me up...

More horrific eye poking later (this time at my own hands I am sorry to say) and I had managed to take my contacts out, put them back in, move them and take them out. All in half an hour, which I am pretty proud of. Then it was bye Mona's hi Elyse's for general lax debauchery. We were wrecked so after moving to Roz's once the mean security ppl kicked us out of Belgrove Ashy, Maeve Emma Rach and I left about one. We detoured by the chippers in Stillorgan which was AMAZING!

So now I am the proud owner of contacts. My order won't be in until Friday, just in time for March Madness which is pretty sweet, so until then I just have to practice with one set, putting them in, moving them, and taking them out. So basically its like half an hour of self inflicted torture. Fun! Its pretty scary doing it, especially because I had such issues with it in the beginning but it is totally worth it to be able to, you know, SEE. Maria, Kate and Rach have informed me that it gets easier after a few weeks so I am hoping for that! But either way I have still gone from literally curling up in a ball if someone put their finger near their eye to succesfully poking myself in the eye... Even if it still terrifies me!

Why I am NOT looking forward to this Saturday...

So I have never been a huge fan of Valentines day. This may have something to do with the fact that being generally single on Valentines day makes me a LITTLE unresponsive to the whole 'shower your loved one with chocolates and flowers' advertisements... Yeah, show your love by giving her weight issues and hay fever. GOOD PLAN!

Ha can you feel the bitterness seeping out of your computer screen? I know I probably sound like a bitter old maid (which is quite alarming since I am all of eighteen years old... ), but I just think that it is a TAD unfair that there is a whole holiday devoted to allowing couples to  parade smugly around the city and make everyone single feel alone and unloved. I mean, is there a day where single people get to rub the advantages of being single in couples faces? No! Should there be? Yes! 

I have nothing against couples. I am not one of those crazy people who is so bitter at the thought of it that they harbor irrational hatred towards all couples and will end up releasing that anger in one violent, bloody burst of rage. What I do have a problem with is those couples who insist on PDA'S at all hours of the day. If I am in the SU for an hours break at 10 after being in college for nine o clock, there are several things I don't want to see. One is that they have no pepsi in the shop, because I have an addiction and that would make me cry. Also, i do NOT want to see some random couple shoving their tongues down one-anothers  throat... get a ROOM people! Or at least a quiet corner, the couches in the middle of the su are public domain. Odds are I have just eaten, please don't make it come back up!

 

I know what you are thinking, if I was in a relationship I would probably feel a lot differently. And I guess you are kinda right. Yes, I would love if someone gave me a rose or something, and god knows I would never complain about free chocolate... but it is more the pressure put on people to be romantic that I hate about it. To be honest, I think it would be so much cuter if, instead of on valentines day and paying ridiculously jumped up prices, someone surprised me with a random flower on just an ordinary day. There is no romance in Valentine's day anymore, just an intense pressure on people to spend extortionate amounts of money on overpriced gifts. How is it romantic if they are OBLIGED to do something sweet? Doesn't that take the fun out of it, or at least the sweetness of the gesture?

Maybe I am just a crazy bitter person, but personally I think I have a point. And it is not like I am overly jealous of people in long term relationships, because to be honest the thought of commitment makes me want to run as far away as possible, as fast possible to find a place to hide! Yeah, commitment and I aren't exactly best buds... That said, a little part of me would love to be part of one of those couples that walk around just looking so happy to be with each other. Yes I watch the notebook or 27 dresses and think 'I want that.' Then I come back to reality and think 'feck that, I would be sick of it after about a day'. As much as I try to deny it, a small part of me wants the romance and the attention and the gifts from Valentines day. Luckily that is only a very small part of me, near my foot...

I am all for showing people that you care about them, but is it really so sweet if hallmark is basically telling you to? That said, part of me may be secretly hoping for a rose on Valentines day... sssh don't tell!!

Best day ever!

Well maybe that is a slight exaggeration. But it was pretty close. I woke up this morning to a text message from Maria with possibly the best message to read when waking up at 9 in the morning-

'Its snowing!' Looking out my window the entire road was basically covered in a blanket of snow. In my excitement I called Maria, and she told me our exam results were up. Lovely. Possibly something that could ruin an otherwise brilliant day. 

Went on the internet and found my results. 3.67. 'Wtf does that mean?' I asked Maria. She was still confused so I asked sibling. She knew. Was pretty happy it must be said. 

Since we all had a snow day, Maria Ashy and I met up outside Maria's for snow related frivolity. It was so pretty, I literally walked all the way to Maria's house grinning, most likely because I had been hoping that it would snow for months. We built a snowman who we named Hitler the Builder Snowman and made snow angels and threw snowballs. Basically we acted like five year olds... it was AMAZING! 

After a while we went inside for hot cider/tea to warm up. Maria and I attempted to play lax with a snowball, which went surprisingly well.

 Ashy laughed and took pictures. Then Ash went home to shower and me and Maria showered in her house. When Ashy came back in the panda (her car) we decided to go on a food mission to Dunnes. It was then we realized some ASSHOLE had killed Hitler the builder snowman. All that was left of him was some branches, a builder jacket a carrot and some coal. It was pretty upsetting, it has to be said. Poor little snowman. 

After getting a load of food in Dunnes, we went back to Maria's to watch the witches and amuse ourselves by  saying what her dog was thinking in russian/german accents. Yeah, I think the snow went to our heads too. 

So basically I had a really good day today. I am SO happy in finally snowed, and I didn't fail my exams. Because of the whole snowstorm warning I am not going out tonight, but I think sibling and I will watch a chick flick and eat chocolate, because we are JUST that cool. 

25 things you don't know (or particularly care) about me...

So Elyse sent me this chain thingy, you have to write 25 things that people don't really know about you. I figured I might as well chuck it up here, I have been neglecting this blog a bit...

1) I am ridiculously squeamish. This is number one purely because the girls just subjected me to an entire show about plastic surgery and when they actually showed the operations, I nearly threw up.

2) I get scared really easily. In fact, I get scared by so many things that people find it entertaining to invent other things I am afraid of, because I will admit a lot of my fears are fairly random. For the record, things I am afraid of- eyes, clowns and swans. Things I am not: pianos. No matter what the girls say!

3) I used to be really shy. I am still hardly the most outgoing person in the world (i even refuse to ask for the bill in a restaurant) but looking at myself now and how I was two years ago, I guess I have grown a lot, even though...

4) I am unbelieveably insecure. This can be a drawback when you also give out a vibe that says 'mock me', but I am getting pretty good at telling the difference between banter and people genuinely not liking me. Even so, I still get a lot of those moments where I am like 'wait, does this person actually hate me?' I guess that is just insecurity kicking in, and generally I get given out to by the others when I ask it.

5) I can't hold a grudge. I also can't really stay mad at people either. I am a total pushover, and I hate it when people get mad at me. What upsets me the most is when people get mad at me for stuff I had nothing to do with, or things outside my control.

6) I always look for the good in people. Even though I do get annoyed with people ( I am hardly a saint) I always try to see things from their point of view. I think that everyone is nice deep down, just some people are scared or insecure or whatever. It takes a lot to make me give up on someone, but sometimes this means I hold onto things I really should just walk away from.

7) I always apologise, even if it is not my fault. Today, rachel hit me (lightly, not a full on punch to the face!) then said 'dont get in the way of my fist!' Without thinking i went 'sorry.... wait a sec!' I guess I have a total guilt complex or something. Cillian says I have 5 consciences, but i think that he is exaggerating.

8) I can honestly say that so far first year has been one of the best years yet. I have made some amazing new friends, been to new countries and started new things. Lacrosse has played a big part of it, which is weird because I have never been a sporty person. It has been the first sport that I have liked enough to stick with, even if I am not the best at it. This probably has as much to do with the people and the social life as with the sport though...

9) Speaking of amazing friends, I found it really hard to say goodbye to the ones I made last semester, especially one legend from minnesooooooooooooooota. ( Sorry Mal, you know I can't say it without mimicking your accent). I am ridiculously emotional and bad at goodbyes anyway, but I prefere missing them a lot now then never having met them.

10) I am ridiculously disorganised. I leave everything to the last minute, and while I always PLAN to do something it takes me ages to get it done. I have meant to apply for my driving permit since november 2007, my age card since july, and i still have to send someones birthday present which i meant to do a good two weeks ago...

11) I was extremely well behaved at school, i think that is why I am such a slacker in college. I just find it hard to motivate myself to go to a boring lecture when I could be hanging out with my friends.

12) On the flip side, I also have high standards grades wise- I want to do well while doing the minimum amount of work. Yes I am lazy, I know that!

13) I am still secretely pissed about getting 495 in my leaving when I wanted 500. Is this extremely silly and childish considering I got my course, which is all that really mattered anyway? Yes. Does it still annoy me? Yes.

14)After working so hard, I have a sneaking suspicion that I made a mistake going straight into pure english. Not that i don't love english, I just worry that I narrowed my options too soon. What annoys me the most about this is the fact that this is the EXACT point my mother made to me, but I was convinced it was what I wanted to do.

15) I am awful at making decisions, which is frustrating when trying to decide big things like 'am I in the right course?', and also minor things like 'what are we doing tonight?'.

16) I have no idea what I want to do after college. This might come from my lack of decision making ability, or else from the fact that I am 18 years old and that is WAY too early in my opinion to be making big choices.

17) I would love to write a book, but I am not sure if I have to attention span to write one, not to mention the writing talent. However Maria decided to inform everyone we met in Bulgaria that this was what I will do, so technically I am obliged to now...

18) My friends are one of the most important things in my life. Several of them I have known since I was four, others I made in secondary school or else in college. One of them is my sister. They mean so much to me though, and are always there for me when I need them. I can't imagine not having them.

19) I have never been so surprised, or happy as when Maria Ashy and Emma turned up in my hospital room to visit me after my operation. I really didn't expect it, and it meant a lot that they would get about two different forms of transport just to come see me for like an hour.

20) I have never gone on a waterslide, because up until this year i wasn't able to put my head under the water. In fact I have never had a swimming lesson, or at least a proper one (i have vague memories of having them when i was about 4) I taught myself to swim, which means that I am ok at it but hardly amazing or graceful!

21) I have hearing problems in my right ear. Its hard because a lot of the time I don't hear what people are saying, but I hate telling people about it or asking them to repeat themselves, so generally I smile and nod. I have a feeling a lot of people think that I am rude/stupid because of it.

22) I havent eaten meat in about nine years, and I don't plan on eating it at any point in the near future. I know people find it strange, but at this point the thought of it actually repluses me, not to mention my system physically couldn't handle it. I am a vegetarian for moral reasons as well as not liking the taste, though wierdly I sometimes get cravings for MCDonalds bugers (even though i didn't like them back when i ate meat) and cocktail sausages.

23) I want to go to New Zealand for a year to study, but I am also scared about being literally the furthest geographically away from home that I could get (unless i went to the antarctic). I was there in 5th year though with the family, and absolutely loved it, so I do want to go back.

24) I can act like a complete child/geek. I love getting a lift into college with sibling, because we dance to the cds in the car even though people around us can obviously see us. Sibling and I both act like complete children, which I think is why we get along so well. She is also just as prone to 'grassy moments' as me, in fact after meeting her Elyse said 'wow, you make sense now.' That said, she is also brilliant at giving advice and if anyone upsets me she always offers to take them out (i generally refuse though). She even helps out my friends if they need it. However, she is ridiculously pretty smart and finds it really easy to meet new people and sometimes it is hard not to be jealous of her, even though we are really close.

25) I want to go to at least one country in all the continents of the world. So far I have been to Europe, North America, Australia and Africa. I am tempted to count Asia, but as I never left Singapore/Hong Kong airport, I think that might be cheating...